Shades of ‘Meant To Be’
by Nozomi
Summary: [Dedicated to Nekochan] [SetoJou] [AU] Songfic. Because not all Nightmares are banished by the light, and not all dreams are fully as they seem. [Very dark, nongraphic, semi NCS, angsty.]


****

Shades of 'Meant To Be'

"You like this."

__

A cruel, harsh whisper, demanding things unsaid.

"...I don't."

__

Defiance.

"You need this."

__

Unforgiving, unrelenting.

"...No."

__

Fiery insolence.

"Don't lie to me, precious. I know it. I know _you._"

__

Biting words, faint rush of sliding cloth. Rustle of worn fabric.

"...You don't."

__

He does. He can't.

"...No." _Pleading, now._

He won't.

"Quiet, precious. You're lost."

He **will**.

//_I watch how the Moon sits in the sky on a dark night.  
Shining with the light from the Sun  
But the Sun doesn't give light to the Moon  
Assuming the Moon's gonna owe it one_.//

Dark.

It was always so dark, waiting for _him_ in the stillness of the room.

A small figure huddled, shivering, in the corner, shadowed and bleak. Normally vibrant, honey-blonde hair seemed somehow dim, amber eyes unseeing in the chilly air.

So dark... Why was it so dark? What did _he_ like the dark for? Why did _he_ allow it?

The dark scared him.

So much that it hurt.

__

He liked when he hurt.

//_It makes me think of how you act to me  
You do  
Favors, then rapidly  
You just turn around and start asking me about  
Things that you want back from me._//

It hadn't always been like this. No; before, there had been light, and comfort.

__

Protection turned betrayal.

An escape from the harshness of life. An angel for him; only for him.

__

But in the light there is only darkness.

He had basked in it all; reveled, even. Someone who loved him, someone who cared.

__

All is not what it seems in this dark world, precious.

Something had changed. Perhaps _he_ had... but perhaps it was his own fault.

__

It's always 'your fault', sweet. You are a dark void, and everything near you becomes caught up in it.

Why? Why couldn't everything just go back to the way it used to be? He was alone; always alone.

__

I did.

//_I'm sick of the tension  
Sick of the hunger  
Sick of you acting like I owe you this  
Find another place to feed your greed  
While I find a place to rest._//

The boy shivered. Light swallowed up by darkness.

__

Corruption, greed, innocence, truth, debt, lies.

Everything and nothing. That was what _he_ was; what he had always been, under the mask of empathy.

__

Smile... You'll steal away my soul.

Used, abused. Dark and light, dancing a thin, fatal line.

__

Understanding is nothing. You are mine.

Smoldering sapphire eyes. Hate, love, fear, longing.

__

You can't.

Are you so sure?

__

There is nothing. Nothing left.

The only one who knows.

//_I wanna be in another place  
I hate when you say you don't understand  
I wanna be in the energy  
Not with the enemy  
A place for my head._//

A demon in heavenly robes. Love underwritten by hate.

__

Hate you.

Love you.

__

Hate you.

Loved you.

__

Hate you.

Fear you.

__

It's only fair, I'd suspect.

I hate you too, after all.

Abused, broken.

__

Beautiful.

Bruised and bleeding.

__

Lovely.

I hate you. Fear you loveyou.

__

I know. Quiet, precious.

You're mine.

//_Maybe someday I'll be  
Just  
Like  
You and  
Step on people like you do  
And run away all the people I thought I knew.  
I remember back then who you were._//

Impossible.

__

Improbable.

Not so.

__

Enjoy it.

I won't.

__

You do.

Don't tell. Never tell.

__

I won't if you won't, precious.

"...Don't call me that."

__

Vehemence. Fiery amber eyes, only now.

"But it suits you so well."

__

Stifled gasp as burning hot liquid runs down naked chest and stomach.

Candle wax. Red as newly-spilt blood.

"...I hate you."

__

You do.

"I love you. Despise you."

__

Pleasure; pain. An endless void. Despair.

"...I don't."

"Like this? You will." _Promise fulfilled._

__

No.

//_You used to be calm  
Used to be strong  
Used to be generous  
But you shoulda known_.//

Bare, now; volatile and prone.

__

An all-too-familiar weight between his legs.

"...You can't.

__

I can.

"...You won't."

"I will."

__

I made you; shaped you from the child you were.

You owe me.

"...Stop. Please."

"Hush, pup. You'll enjoy this."

__

No...

"You always do."

I know.

Scrabbling.

Get away. I don't want this. I don't.

//_That you'd wear out your welcome  
And now you see  
How quiet it is all alone._//

Futile desperation fades to pleasure. 

__

You... you can't...

Feather-light caresses tease, taunt.

__

Gasping, two sweat-slick bodies intertwine.

The moment is lost.

__

I am lost.

You're always lost, precious... You can't help it, because I won't let you...

//_I'm so sick of the tension  
Sick of the hunger  
Sick of you acting like I owe you this  
Find another place to feed your greed.  
While I find a place to rest._//

__

When it's finished, he leaves.

A boy, who is a boy no longer-- who has not been one for a long time now-- is left, huddled in cold, sodden blankets.

When had he come here, to this place of darkness and hurt, of pleasure and blinding light?

__

Forever.

How long had it been, since he had been thrown here of his own will?

__

Too long ago.

When had _he _come, to take over his life?

__

I've been here.

To take over his very thoughts.

__

Watching. For a long time, my pup.

Why?

__

You called me. I came, and could not go again.

Wrong. Everything was wrong; twisted, horribly wrong.

The walls were falling, collapsing. The world was getting darker, colder.

__

You are a black hole, precious. One nothing can escape.

His own anxiety was rising up to choke him.

__

I will return, for I cannot stray far from you.

He would come.

__

One way. Black holes are one way.

//_I wanna be in another place  
I hate when you say you don't understand  
I wanna be in the energy  
Not with the enemy  
A place for my head._//

Legs shaking beneath him.

__

Heart shaking within him.

Feet padding beneath him.

__

The hallway is long.

Dark.

__

Cold.

Silent.

__

He shivers as a breeze brushes his cold features.

So tired.

When had his spirit, his will, given way to the darkness?

__

Now.

Forever.

That... that beautiful, irritating boy. _He_ had come, and broken him.

"I have been sent to guide you, human."

__

He claimed that it was the other way around.

"To your next destination."

"...Where?"

"You'll see. Soon enough. Not now."

__

His feet flinch away from the stone-cold floor, and he winces as various bruises make themselves violently known.

This was hell.

__

Heaven.

Locked inside himself.

He looked up, and there before him was the door he had been seeking.

__

It swung open before his seeking hands.

A bathroom.

//_You, trying to take the best of me  
Go away, you, trying to take the best of me  
Go away, you, trying to take the best of me  
Go away, you, trying to take the best of me  
Go away...!_//

__

He wouldn't see

Wouldn't feel.

His guide had changed, had been changed.

__

By him.

And now he had no place he needed to go.

__

The creak of a door long-unused being opened.

Whisper of cloth being pulled free.

__

Dull shine of metal, lain across his shivering hands.

A knife.

__

He was no use.

How had he gotten it?

__

To anyone.

He didn't know.

__

It had always been this way.

Running the tip of the blade gently over his wrist.

Bright red blood wells slowly up.

Pressing harder.

__

More blood, and weakness begins to overcome him.

His heart pounds so loudly he thinks it might explode.

__

Sweet crimson drops pool on the dirty linoleum floor.

Dirty?

__

Clean, now.

His eyes begin to cloud, his senses to dull.

__

The creak of the door.

Head jerks up.

"...You..."

__

Caught.

"It's time."

"...Time...?"

__

Cloudy eyes focus on chestnut-brown hair, and wings.

One white, one black.

__

Pure taken over by spoiled.

"To go."

"...seto..."

//_I wanna be in another place  
I hate when you say you don't understand  
I wanna be in the energy  
Not with the enemy  
A place for my head._//

*****

The hospital was almost empty at the time of night, Shizuka thought tiredly, glancing down at the form laid out on the in front of her bed. Her eyes were saddened with long-taken pain, and her hand shook where it held on to the hand of the boy on the bed.

"Big brother..."

He did not answer her.

He never answered.

She felt the tears well up in her eyes, spilling down her face to splash against his almost lifeless hand. Five years, now. It had been five years since that fateful day, when the day had been rainy and he had promised her to take her to her best friend's house about five miles away.

They had gotten into an accident; had skidded off the road an into the wall nearby. An ambulance had been called, and both siblings had been rushed to the hospital, though, besides a few scrapes, neither had been hurt in the crash.

But Jounouchi had not woken up. For hours he had not woken up, then days, then weeks.

The nurses and doctors had been puzzled. Jou's vitals were fine, excellent in fact, and his brain activity was high, high enough for him to have been awake and thinking-- but he had not been.

The weeks had evolved to months, the months to years, and Shizuka had visited her brother every single day, shelling out the money needed to keep him in constant care in this hospital.

He had never once even stirred.

Until now.

Shizuka felt his hand clench around hers, and her heart leapt-- he was moving! Blue eyes darted to take in Jou's face, which was scrunched in pain, tears leaking out of the corners of his closed eyes. She wrenched his hand out of his when he groaned, and was appalled to see thick lines of blood bloom to life on his lower arm, near his wrist, the crimson droplets staining the starch white hospital sheets darkly.

"Nurse!" Shizuka brought her hand to her mouth as her voice choked on the single word, tears welling up in her eyes. "Nurse!"

What was going on?

"_Nurse_!"

She turned and ran from the room, even as two nurses rushed in, the beeping of the machines connected to Jou speeding up rapidly.

"Quickly!"

"He's losing blood fast!"

"What could have happened?"

"Where's the girl?"

The beeping grew louder in Shizuka's ears as she leaned against the wall next to the door into the room, breathing heavily, heart pounding in her ears. Her breath trembled out of her, and he hands shook. Only one word could make it through the fog that had descended onto her brain.

__

Why?

Beep. Beep. Beeeeeepppp...

Her heart jumped violently in her chest, her eyes slipped closed, and she allowed the tears to fall.

//_ I am so sick of the tension  
Sick of the hunger  
Sick of you acting like I owe you this  
Find another place  
To feed your greed  
While I find a place to rest._//

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

*blinku* O.o What... did I _do?_

Threnody: *raises eyebrow* Shouldn't you know?

-.-; Nooooo.... I don't know _what _this is. It's... evil and... angsty... ugh... I have no idea where this came from...

And yes, before anyone says so, it was, indeed, _supposed_ to be confusing.

By the way, the song used was _'A Place For My Head'_ by Linkin Park. This is, also, one of my first angst fics, so... yeah. ^.^;

**EDIT:** Hey, hey! Thanks for all your guesses, minna-san! The person to get closest to the answer I was orginally thinking of was _Neko-chan_, so I dedicate this to you! *bows* Anyway, full plot-thing: Jou was in a car crash, fell into a coma, and Seto came to take him away, because he's sort of an angel of death-thing. But Seto-san fell in love with Jou, which he really shouldn't have done. He has a hard time expressing his feelings, so, unfortunately, he expresses them like... _that._ *sweatdrop* Jou got really depressed, because he doesn't know he's in a coma, and tried to kill himself-- which showed up in real life, because the subconscious brain can do many unusual things on it's own.

Of course, you can also read into this anyway you want to, since I purposely left it open for other types of interpretation. ^.^;

C&C, onegai!


End file.
